Closing the Loop…With Dashes
02.08.10
Eight weeks after the loss of our baby, we have closure on a few things that have helped so much. First, genetic tests revealed that the cause of our baby’s death was Trisomy 18. It’s a fatal disorder, with most babies not making it to birth – those that do almost never live long after birth and suffer from severe birth defects. We are grateful that our little one went straight to heaven and never suffered.
We also learned that our baby was a boy, and we’re so grateful for that knowledge. We’ve decided on a name – Carson Jacob – but we also decided that his nickname would be Jake. It’s a good old fashioned name that makes my dear knight smile every time he says it – he says it would sound good when pro sports broadcasters said it: “Here’s Jake Thompson taking the snap in the 2035 Super Bowl!” (Dads always seem to go straight to the Super Bowl for their proud dad fantasies, don’t they?) 
This knowledge helps so much. I feel like I’ve passed through the fog of grief and emerged with God’s faithful promise of hope and peace lifting me up, encouraging me to go on, enjoy every moment I have with my princesses and look forward to the day when I can hold Jake in my arms. My heart is heavier, and until I can hold him, my arms will ache and never feel entirely full, but I am better. God’s love and His thoughtfulness in surrounding me with amazing friends have ensured that I am better. And I am grateful – thank you all for your love, prayers and support. They’ve all helped more than you will ever know.
